Monday, June 2, 2008.

This sucks.
This is horrid.
Sigh. Today was fun exciting and confusing.
Till 1 hour ago.
Went for the funeral for my aunt, my dad dad (my grandfather) sister, whom brother just passed away not 2 months ago.
Thing is,
It was so strong, that it hit me the moment I stepped out of the car.
At first I didn’t know what was it, but when I sat down and listened.
It was saddening and painful.
It was overwhelming, made me feel dizzy through out the whole thing,
Thank goodness they had an exercise ground to let me get my mind off it.
But nope, it didn’t help at all,
Still, I didn’t think I would get affected.
It was strong and good enough to make me moody,
And when I asked my sister, ‘can’t u feel anything?’
I can’t really remember what she said, but I think it was like that,
‘I don wanna know.’
It was maddening when she said that, it is not like I can block it or anything.
I can’t control it,
Neither do I know how to even do anything about it.
Sigh,
In the end, when I left there, I was pissed.
Thinking about it, makes me even madder.
And when I asked mom about how the deceased aunt son, if he was still crying.
‘No, well. He is much better.’ At least at is a relive, but not good enough,
Not like I can’t help him and tell him. But thing is, should I tell?
Sigh.
Now I am home, and downstairs my house has the senior citizens thingy,
They are all singing off-tune, and it is not exactly helping me.
Not. One. Bit.
It is like adding fuel to the fire, and my younger sister is pissing me off.
It is so fucking noisy, it is so maddening, and I am pissed at myself for letting myself get affected.
Ughhhh.
Anyways. I pray for her, and for Uncle James.
Rest in peace po-po.


as the ghostly wind blew,
I found myself staring back at me, and my name craved into the stone.

{ 9:32 PM }