Wednesday, October 29, 2008.

ughh.. I feel like puking..

damn.. i feel so crappy..

same stupid thing like last night.. ==
this time no flu..
but headache..

major headache..
and it is cold..

*throb throb throb*

i feel like puking..
i feel like my head is splitting apart..
i feel like dying..

ughh. ==
my head..
but at least it is not that bad as this afternoon's one..
but still.. UGHHH...

p.s
i shall vomi-

{ 8:10 PM }

didn't got to school today!

was too damn tired. ==
and there was nothing much, since i missed maths.
poa poa poa, i don pay attention in poa.

anyways!
got a cbox!
thanks marianne for telling me the web? xD

blahs! so yeah, nothing much to do.
oh, i dream of the lady again! xD
and and, i know how i change my dreams if i don like it!

hhahahha!
my temperature has been running high and low.
so i don feel normal. and my nose got better. (:
no more runny or anything!

anyways, gonna cook lunch now! xD

p.s
choco mint is love!~

{ 1:15 PM }

Tuesday, October 28, 2008.

today was fun. (:

thanks marianne! xD

high school musical was hilarious!
no spoilers no nothing, just gonna comment on it.
it was too dramatic!
and too funny!

hahah!
it was hilarious!
but well, i will give it 3/5 stars bah. =/
too much singing.
not much action and all~

xD
i am tired~
and normally after you take a warm bath you will be feeling hot right?
lols,
i felt cold.. but my body tem. was hot. ==
weird eh?

it is hot to the extent my grandma taught i was having a fever.
lols!
arghhh, stupid runny nose. ==

oh, don mind those early crazy post..
first time ever got such bad mood swings.

anyways, gonna sleep now.
don wanna catch the stupid morning hour. ==
it is too scary..

so yeah!
nights and sweet dreams people. (:
cya in school tml~

p.s
school school.. MONEYYYYY!

{ 8:28 PM }

Sunday, October 26, 2008.

the blazing fuck is this?

i am pissed so i am gonna rant, don like it, SCRAM.

ok lunch.

mom and sis and mama came home.
so they had lunch.
ok.
i walked to the table, none of them noticed me, so i was like blah.

went to the kitchen, no more plates.
went out, and saw that there was no space to sit to eat.
so went to the living hall and watched tv.

so i was getting oh so cosy,
then mother called out,
"amanda, clear the plates."
so i was like, "what?"
she STARED AT ME LIKE I WAS MENTAL,
"clear the plates!"
i stared at her, DUMBFOUNDED,
"me? i clear YOUR plates?!"
"yeah!"

i laughed at her.
before she could shoot me any angry look, i went up and clear their fucking shits.

i waited for them to fucking finish, their fucking lunch,
and in the end, i had to clear their fucking plates and wash them.

you can say i am childish to even complain about this type of shit.
but i swear, I SWEAR, if anybody had given you that TONE and that LOOK.
you would do nothing else but lift up the sofa and throw it in her face.

that belittling, despise, maid, lower status, look.
oh god,
when i CLEARED THE PLATES, i felt so badly..
so badly to just pour the damn curry and chicken bones over her head.
but how could i?

i mean, she is MY MOTHER, and my GRANDMOTHERS was there.
naturally, no matter how you look,
I WILL BE IN THE WRONG.

and, the best thing was,
my older sister was there too.
though she ate finished earlier, and cleared her own DISH.
she just sat there and use the com.

sigh,
it seem meaningless to even be pissed at her.
life still goes on.
and hell yeah, i am gonna have my LUNCH now.

and oh, for the love of god.
i am having terrible mood swings.
so pissed me off, and i promise you, i will definitely make a scene.
i promise you. ^^

and if you guys/girls wanna know why i don have a cbox, or whatever.
but i am just damn lazy, and somehow, i see no point in having a cbox.
so yeah. ^^

p.s
i am turning emo, piss off bitch.
well, to be simple,
i am turning into a fucked-up bitch. ^^

{ 1:13 PM }

ooohhh!!! I SO LOVE SKIP BEAT!!! xD

it is AWESOME! ><
really awesome! i am gonna collect that entire series!
it is too entertaining!!
hahah!

oh yeah, don mind my earlier post.
i got the answers to it already. (:

man.. now i feel so bored..
i read finished till the latest one already. ==
what should i do now?!

anyways, as per usual, i am hungry..
maybe i will take pics of my boy.
but got no inspiration. D:

blahs. =/

p.s
skip beat is love! you should read it. :D

{ 12:18 PM }

Saturday, October 25, 2008.

First things first.

CONGRATS ANGELA. (:

i know, i am very late.
but hey, congrats ~^^
now..

WTH!!
SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT IS THIS DAMN FEELING?!
THAT DAMN FEELING!!!
ARGHHHH!!!
I DON WANT THIS.
I BLOODY HELL WANT THIS FEELING!!!!

*screams*

I FEAR THIS FEELING, LIKE AS IF..
I SIGNED A CONTRACT?!
I DUNNO KNOW!!!!!

GOD!! GOD!! I BEG YOU!!!
TAKE IT BACK!!!!
IT IS TOO SCARY!
I DON WANT IT!!!
I D O N O T W A N T I T !!!!!!

wahhh!!! this feeling is too scary!!!
too scary!!
i don't want it!!!!
*cries*

p.s
I DON WANT IT!!!!!!

{ 8:46 PM }

Thursday, October 23, 2008.

I am exhausted, so i will post everything tomorrow.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGELA. (:

oh no. i cannot sleep..
she will call us to tell us how it went..
arghh, nvm, will sleep then she call then wake up!
yeah!

i am so sleepy, tired, exhausted.
that when i was reading skip beat (awesome manga!), my head resting on my wrist.
i accidentally fell asleep for ten minutes. xD

so i was like, sleeping, my right hand on the mouse, the com screen on and flashing in front of me.
hahaha.
i freaked out when i woke up though. xD
suddenly seeing nothing but white!

lols. anyways, will post everything tml. ^^
too tired aka lazy.
shall eat dinner later, after angela calls.

honey dew.. yumm. (: sweet honeydew...

p.s
angela gets her boyfriend on her birthday?!

{ 7:25 PM }

Wednesday, October 22, 2008.

today in school was fun. (:
really fun, the alarm nine people were hilarious.
i like celine and yvonne. xD

they were really funny and we played and laughed the whole day.
the best part was the project!
i can't wait for it!
it will be one in a lifetime chance, and extremely fun. :)

i hope.

but anyways, after school.
went to novena to get angela her birthday present, its tomorrow.
got a balloon and some sweets,etc.

then i was hungry, xD, so went to BK!
bought YAM PIE!!!
hahaha.

oh, when i called mom to find out more about yeye.
guess what?
she was there and dropped by. xD
gave both marianne and i a shock!

and by the look on her face she thought we were fooling around,
xD
so me being a guai girl, i told her that we bought angela a present!
though she started complaining to marianne that i did not do any housework. =/

lunch? was fun. (:
marianne kept making me laugh.
oh oh oh.

a guy sms-ed me. ==
turned out to be john.
sigh.
but the fun part was, he thought that marianne was MALAY!
when he said that, i LAUGHED for 5 minutes non stop!
i kept laughing so loudly, that people stared at me. ><
plus, i laughed till i cried.

cause the best thing was that,
she sound like a malay on the phone,
i look like a malay outside. xD
funny?
i dunno, but i found it hilarious.

after that, talk talk.
was sleepy, so i begin to lean on the wall, the table. =/
was tired, but didn't want to go home. xD

so on the 88 bus, ended up falling asleep.
and i got a shock, cause of the stupid balloon. ==
it was in front of me, and when i opened my eyes, i thought a primary school kid bag was in my face. xD

so yeah~ thats about it.
oh, and ye ye is alright. :)
i am really really glad.

p.s
alarm nine!
alarm alarm alarm alarm alarm alarm alarm alarm alarm.

{ 5:50 PM }

Wednesday, October 15, 2008.

Ma ma mia!
hahaha, just watched finished the show.

it was nice, exciting, different and crazy. xD
the songs were nice, except the part where nat and mom kept singing it - it off tune.
lols.
everything was nice..

OH GOSH, the two fathers!
hahaha!! they were my favourite people to act!!!
my sister and i were gushing over them!

pity, the english guy was GAYYYY. T^T
the other guy ended up with donna!
but woo!!! they were all so NICE!!!
hahaha, and no. ==
i have no fetish for OLD men.
but i like them playing this role. xD

they are all so nice!
hahahah!
one is cute, blur, and sweet.
the other is charming, loveable and adorable.

ughhhh, i sound weird gushing over them. xD
but my dad was jealous of me, my sister and mom gushing over them.
LOLS.
but hey!
they have the charm even though they are not old.

but majority, the show is nice. :)
really nice, the songs and everything.
it would be nice if my wedding was like that, LOLS, songs and all. xD
missing part is that i already have my dad.

anyways!
GET THE DISC AND WATCH IT!
it is awesome!
my whole family LOVED IT.

and my grandma loved it so much, after watching it, she gave money immediately to rachael to buy the sound track. xD
lols, but it is nice.
the guys were funny,
the girls were funny,
everybody was funny.

a very entertaining show. :)
i can gurantee you on that.

p.s
ma ma mia! i have done it again!!

{ 10:11 PM }

it runs in the blood.
and i am not gonna rant.
don feel like it, my room stinks.
for some reason, so i am gonna perfumized my room later.

anyways, today was ok.
tml will not be ok.
why?

cause we are getting back our results.
RESULTS.
arghhh, and the best thing is.
i never felt the exam mood, till now i have never felt it for end for years.

over confident?
i am not too sure myself.
either ways, i don like the way of my studying and feelings for it.
it is pissing me off lately.

but!
i am looking forward to something,
this... exciting feeling.
like something good or bad is gonna happen. ==

and when i have that feeling, my feeling systems chokes up everything.
example, exam mood.
NEVER have i felt it for EOY's.

either ways, i am happy but upset.
so i myself is lost.
gonna take some photos of my dollfie or take a nap now.

good luck people, and pray that when your parents found out how you have done,
pray that they cry and kiss your feet, and not see your feet hanging from the ceiling. ^^

p.s
i need to sun my books. for some reason, they STINK.

{ 5:39 PM }

Tuesday, October 14, 2008.

Yap yap yap.
woke up at bloody 8am, slept through to 8.30.
bath and everything use the com.
ended up being late.

in the end marianne didn't go, was sick.
so got lazy and didn't want to go in the end. xD
francine kept complaining to me. lols.

then mom called, ask me to visit yeye.
then francine called, saying this.

francine- eh, marianne coming over to my house eh. you wanna come?
me- huh.. don wan la, she going? how come?
francine- lols, dunno, just now called her. she sound happy happy then say she come over around 1.
me- ohhh. hahha, don think i will go la. lazy and need to visit my grandfather.
francine- for what?
me- he is in the hospital.
francine- lols... diaozz..
me-okok. will get back to you later, will sms you if going or not.

in the end, i didn't go for both.
was too crappy.
my friend was kinda pissing me off, and i was too tired.
didn't get enough sleep and under up sleeping through lunch. ==

sigh, maybe i should have gone.
dunno.
but heck, my mood was getting to the worse of me.
so no point go there and throw my temper, don wanna cause a fight or anything shit.
and my tolerance level and all other level was low.
so if anything would be directed at me, thats it.
like a walking time piss off bomb waiting for it to be ticked off.
and yes, i am still kinda pissed.
not at anybody, but cause i am just feeling really crappy.

sighh.. back to school tml.
oh, and marianne, lets arrange another day to go to francine house.
and by then, my mood should improve. :) (cause no mens)

bye people.
have a really crappy night.

p.s
yap yap yap, you talk too much ass licker.

{ 7:28 PM }

Going to angela's house was fun. :)
pity, both debra and my monthly friend came in the morning. ==
sigh,
super suay.

anyways yeah, did a lot of stupid things.
played games, watched movies.
lols, movies.
there were a lot of parts where everybody kept screaming.
hahahaha.

but yeah.. it was fun.
next time!
MUST GO TO WILD WILD WET.
and pick a day when everybody month is over. xD

p.s
looking forward to tml.

{ 7:26 PM }

Saturday, October 11, 2008.

dinner killed my happiness.

from the below and earlier post i was superber happy right?
yeah, after having dinner. i lost all my happiness.
why? read on.

i was preparing the table, (lol, sound like a SLAVVEEE), then sat down.
everybody gathered and started to call one another eat. ( our tradition.)
then, mom said,
"monday, no going out." with a normal voice,
so i was shocked and went.
"what?!?!?" *1/4 of the happiness gone.*
no reply.

then, ahma said.
"no going out tml."
3/4 of the happiness gone.

then, sis said.
"cause the maid is so stupid, and no one is home to see her."
everything all gone.

dinner table right?
i was STARVING, but then, i lost everything, and ate very very little.
and, it is dinner.
HOT food are there, so i felt very tempted to throw the hot soup at the wall, and my family.

but naturally, if i do. i am dead.
so i kept breathing out, puffing my cheeks.
to calm and distract myself.
and while eating, i thought...

why the hell does it bother me if the maid is stupid?
why the hell should i stay at home?
why the hell can't i go out on monday?

ALL MY PLANS!
ALL MY F-U-C-K-I-N-G-S PLAN TO F-U-C-K-I-N-G GO WILD WILD WET.

so in my mind, i was like.
"WTF!?!?!?! I CANNOT GO OUT, BECAUSE OF MY MAID? AM I SO INFERIOR THAT I CANNOT GO OUT?! CAUSE OF HERRRRR?!?!!? I AM PUT IN THE SAME LEVEL AS HER!?!?!?"
so anybody would get pissed off and etc right?

so the blowing out and puffing cheeks, seem the only way to calm and distract myself.
but nooooooo, that stupid older sister of mine, asked me what i was doing..
and i nearly flip my rice in her face.
MY SPOON WAS ALREADY READYYYY!!!

and so yes...
i don think i can go out on monday, because of my MAID.
and ahma is stupidly PISSED.
and i have to stay at home because it is a fucking holiday.

FUCKKKK!! MOTHER FUCKKKK!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!
and yes, i am pissed, truly pissed, i am already crying because i cannot do anything violent.
NOTHING VIOLENT.
AND I CANNOT GO OUT TOMORROW!!!
I WAS SO LOOKING FORWARD TO FUCKING MONDAY AND TML!
THEY DESTROYED EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!
FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKZXZXZXXZZXXZXZXXZXZXZXZX!

p.s
NO XOXO FOR THIS POST. SCRAAAAMMMMMMMMMM!!!!

{ 7:34 PM }

TODAY WAS AWESOME.
truly truly awesome.

the most fun day ever since yesterday!!! ^^
just bathed finished.
ok, the full day plan, if ya not interested in reading. don bother, it is gonna be longggg.

the whole dayy!!!

mom woke me up in the morning to go eat PRATAAAA!!! :)
so went there, was in a VERY BAD MOOD in the morning, before i bathed.
cause had little sleep. =/

then, was refreshed!
by my lovely cousins!!!! xD
went there,
had one cheese and one plain.

finished then ate one more half cheese plain, shared with nat. ><><
my GROUPING was good. ==
all in the same spot.
IT WAS LIKE SHOOTING.

but more fun!!!
hahaha!
then took taxi and came home, bathed etc etc.
it was funnn!!!
hahahahah!

oh, one SADDD part was that, after kino,
walking to the games area.
people actually THOUGHT, that these three kids, are MY CHILDREN.
they kept throwing looks at me. =.=

one thought so, then i told him, and he was like.
"er... sure, but it is hard to tell them apart. they look so much like YOU."

CRAP MAN! one is my younger sister, i get your point.
BUT HELLOOOOOO!??!?!?
the other two are my godsis and godbrother!!
THEY ARE NOT RELATED TO ME!!!
HOW CAN THEY LOOK LIKE ME?!?!!?
GAHHHHH!!!

but, i pulled a poker face and laughed.
but it was fun overall. :)
going there again tml.
so cya!!!!

p.s
i feel sooooo young. like a real kid. xD

{ 6:09 PM }

some pictures. :)


at the bus stop, while waiting.



taking a mini break. ><



posee!!! sister and brother LOVE!



posee!!! sister and GOD-brother LOVE!



I KEEL YOU! CAME HERE!!!



*stab stab*



ehhhh.. cannot eh.



*trys to jump very high*



*jumps* NOT GOAL!



where is my ball?



posee!!! aimm!! steady!!! SHOOT!



*half way in jumping.*



*steady ah boy.*



this is how you handle it.. yes yes, hold...



good good! now aim!



posee!!! no bow or arrow.



cheese!!! taste the wrath of my invisible bow and arrow!



p.s
archery is fun! ^^

{ 5:52 PM }

Friday, October 10, 2008.

Never yield to the apparently overwhelming force of the enemy.

I keep reminding myself that,
but today, i just couldn't control it.

My anger that is.

came home after visiting ye ye, it was sad watching him breathe through the hole,
and not through his nose or mouth.
stayed there for half an hour.
ended up falling asleep too.

reached home, sis scolded me for taking her bag.
then, she said.
"you are gonna die."
nice welcome home thing sista.

then, grandma started scolding me cause i took the house key.
i don get it, the house key, belongs to me.
so why can't i take it?
she cursed my stupidity,
asking me where my brains had gone, and my reply was,
hell.

then nat went to the living hall, naked, dripping wet from her bath, to change.
i scolded her, and she shoot back her words at me.
what else can i say?
nothing else, if i do, her mountain will attack me with its branches and leaves.

so i left, and announced my anger and disapproval.

and here i am, typing away my anger.
it not one bit dissolving.
guess all my problems and every other thing accumulated to such a height.

bye people.
the volcano takes its leave.

p.s
come too near me, and i will MELT you.

{ 6:10 PM }

goodness marianne.
i just woke up and saw that post of yours.
and this is my reply to your post.

it looks scary and disgusting!

i had goosebumps!!!
and idk la!!!
will ask my mom. arghhhhh!!!

{ 9:18 AM }

Thursday, October 9, 2008.

I have a big news to make.
I am selling my dollfie.
yes people, i am selling the little thing that cost me hundreds.
who does nothing but stand still, sit still in the position you made it.

why?
because, everybody in my family objects it.
plus, i have really gone over board.

mom just called me and scolded me.
stupid isn't it?
i will put up the post on tuesday night.
tuesday, the day we have the little mini photo shoot at francine's house?

some memories.
and marianne please, do not go ask me or scream at me why i am selling it.
why am i listening to my mom.
cause,
my family, is going through some financial problems.
ironic isn't it?

i am saying all this, and at the end of the fucking year, we are going to japan.
somehow, i don give a damn shit now.
why?

i hate it,
listening my grandmother complain to my mother when she come home about how stupid is the maid,
about how i didn't do my work,
about how i didn't do anything.

i am sick of it.
every time,
that look and the way she talks.
it is sickening.

there is so many irony in this family.
nobody likes to see ghost or hear them right?
you think i can control it?
you think i like it?

while you guys sleep, i hear things, see things.
you think i fucking like it?
every night, without fail, it takes me fucking one hour or more then i can sleep.

every night, i get disturbed, why the shit should i let you guys know?
oh, amanda, it is just a figment of your imagination.
oh, amanda, what can i do?
oh, amanda, i will call so and so.

during that funeral, you fucker's actually made use of me.
say things, how good is it.
but all your faces, ALL OF YOUR FACES, had that disgusted look.
if you didn't notice, i am just a fucking normal human being, with senses that are sharper then normal.

you all were so eager to hear what he say,
so eager, you all kept bugging me, then you say, don tell them.
i summarized it, and you all scold me.
you tell things to sis behind my back.
i had enough of this shit.

i am a fucking selfish person,
i have said that many times, do you all listen?
none of you fucking listens.

i am sick of this bullshit and show.
end it, i am sick of entertaining everybody, being their little puppet and let them pull the strings.

there are few reasons why i am selling my boy.
1) my family.
2) for him.

2- so that he can get a better owner where everybody accepts him, and well, so that he will be treasured and cherished by all. better then my family, no one likes him.
only me, so there is no point in keeping him, if this carries on.
one day, i will still sell him.
so might as well bring the date ahead.

and people, once you have read this.
please bear in mind,
i do not need your sympathy.
i do not need your condolences.
i do not need anything at all,
just be normal.
and, for the ghost thing,
don worry, i am already used to it. ^^

for me, this is just nothing but an event, an unfortunate event.
i should have predicted it anyways.
so yupp.
marianne, i am selling him for real.
i plan to settle everything, all in order.

if you asked me, have i ever liked or loved my doll.
i will say yes, but this is not the environment for him.
anyways~
thats it.
i am cool (chill) now, just go back to the normal routine,
got to do my art. ^^ cya guys tml.

p.s
one week, seven days, 168 hours, 10080 minutes, 604800 seconds,
game over.

{ 8:20 PM }

Wednesday, October 8, 2008.

Bad news.
And I am not panicking. ==
anyways, last night was ok.
sister and ahma was angry at me for buying my boy.

so i let him sit on my computer table, and when mom came home.
she was in an extremely bad mood.
so i didn't show her the doll.

the next morning, which is this morning.
my mom shook me awake.

and this is how it went

mom-"so amanda, bought your doll already ah?"
me-"hmm. *just woke up* yeahh."
mom-"so how much is it?"
me-"$130.. *slurred*"
mom-"...WHAT?" << she screamed when she said that.
me-"huh?"
mom-"i thought you said 50!"
me-"that was my shoe!"
and you should know how it went.

oh and a little phrase she said.

"I want you to sell him."

haha. who would have thought that my first night together with him would be our last?
ah wells~
rejoice to the lord!
and the irony is that i even thanked the lord last night, for everything.

oh, and when she left. i asked ahma.
and i also found out the reason why jie was so pissed at me.
why?
cause mom 'allowed' me to buy him and do not allow her to buy an ipod,
even though she save her own money and have discount.
but that was ahma's story.
for her she was angry at me cause i didn't plugged her charger in properly,
causing her phone to be left with very little battery.
plus, she woke me up at.. 6 plus?
to scold me. (lols)
HA!

and the best thing is that,
i found out that my grandma and my sister, truly truly hate me and my doll. (exaggeration!)
well, my doll more cause he is a waste of money. ^^

sweet ain't it?
this love going around the family.
i am so touched, that tears well up in my eyes, blurring my vision as i think about it.
their love has touched me so great, so strong!
i feel my heart being loved, so much and by so many people.
awwww.

oh btw, here are some pictures of him. before i sell him off. ^^
some memories..

and for those people who hates dollfies, think whatever whatever.
please, do not hesitate to go to the top right hand corner, and click that little red X.
^^ thank you very much for visiting, your love and presence will not go unnoticed.
thank you, and god bless.

(the pictures are in another post. below.)

p.s
you really think i will sell him? slap your own face first then tell me.

{ 10:23 AM }

p.s
his name is tsuzumi, and i still believe in god, even though what has happened.
i believe, more will come, so take the wheel lord. thank you. god bless.

{ 9:38 AM }

Sunday, October 5, 2008.

I told my family already!!! xD
but, only my dad does not know.

anyways!
this was how it went..

me-"mom mom! i bought something!!"
her-*has that i know what you did face* "i don wanna know about it."
ahma-"huh?"
and they changed topic so.. i had to repeat myself about.. 5 times?
me-"MOM!! AHMA!! I BOUGHT SOMETHING!!!"
ahma-"buy what?!!?"
mom-"ai ya.. her stuff la!"
ahma-*lost*
*mom leave kitchen and goes to living hall, follows her.*
me-"mom!!"
(after a few repeats from above.)
me-"i bought a dollfie!"
mom-"yeah.. you got so much money hor?"
me-"hahaha, i will be giving you some. that is, if it is wrong la." (shoe)
mom-*no comments*
me-"so yeah! i bought it!"
mom-"i don wan you to withdraw money!"
me-"yeah.. don worry. ^^"

my younger sister.
me-"nat!! er-jie bought something!!"
nat-*ignores me.*
me-"nat!! I BOUGHT A DOLL."
nat-"i got so many doll! big doll! small doll! so many that i dun have space!!"
me-*laughs*
nat-"my doll so nice you buy for what?"
me-"my doll nicer! xP pretty one!!"

my grandma.
me-"AHMA!! I BOUGHT SOMETHING!!"
ahma-"buy what?!!"
me-"i bought a dollfie! it is coming this thursday!"
ahma-"huh?"
me-"it is a doll!" and i left.

older sister.
me-"jie, i bought a dollfie that cost 100 plus."
jie-"wah, so expensive. you buy for what? no point. waste money."
(blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah)
me-"ok ok! chill. just telling you."
jie-"whatever." *goes back to studying*

and yeah. thats about it. i told my maid like.. many times. xD
anyways yeah!
and oh, i know whatever you pray for comes the opposite.
but hey! a girl can dream right? xD
i pray that er.. haru got my order wrong so i can refund and get my money back and give it to mom. ^^
i have good intentions ok!
i wanna give it to my mommmmmmm!

p.s
his name is tsukiyomi ryuu!

another thing, ye ye condition worsen.
but he is better now though he is still in ICU.
^^ when this month is over, and he is still living, i am happy.
so i pray to god, that my shoe thing and ye ye will be just the way i want it.
plus my exams.
these three things, are the most inportant factor now.

{ 4:11 PM }

Thursday, October 2, 2008.

It was heartbreaking, nerve wrecking and will make you want to break down and cry.
After tuition, I went to meet mom at her office, then went to Taka, and was unable to find the book I wanted.
Then, went to Mount Elizabeth Hospital.

I nearly cried, right there and then.
who wouldn't?
seeing your own grandfather, lying there on the bed, weak and fragile.
doing his dialysis.
face pale, eyes half opened, the eyes went up, able to see the white, his pupils can't really be seen.
breathing heavily through the oxygen mask, only able to turn his head, to find the source of noise.

when i saw him, standing beside him, i literally froze on the spot.
mom kept distracting herself by asking the nurse who is taking down the beats and stuff, questions.
seeing him like that, is really.. painful.
so of course, i was not stupid enough to just cry there in front of him.

i greeted him, and kept talking to him.
he was like, nodding or shaking his head, if not no response at all.
which made things worse.
so i laughed it off, and also turned to the nurse.

sis came in, and when she saw him, she was mum.
her eyes turn red, all our eyes were red, but hey!
none of us cried.
not a single tear.

and that girl just stood there, and i had to instruct her. *laughs*

who would have thought his condition would actually take a turn for the worse?
after he admitted to the normal ward and all.
from ICU, to normal ward, to high dependency care.
had to make a hole again to clean his blood, everyday, for four tiring hours.
i just stood there for five minutes, and i already felt like crying.

but, after a while, got immune to it.
just let it be, and it was better.
sigh,
after that, went for dinner. talked a little.
about my tarot reading, and what the fengshui guy said.

went to novena, saw the POA teacher, said hi, she looked shocked when she saw mom.
she was literally gaping.
anyways, had dinner there, looked around, went popular, went to mph.
then see clothes for a while.

then went to the novena church.
kneel there and prayed as much as i could.
then left.
i pray to god, that everything will be alright.
i sincerely pray.

ya know, you may laugh at all these, think it is so easy.
bullshit.
bloody f**king hell bullshit.

and if you laughed at this post, felt that this post is too long, rolled your eyes or i am too naggy or whatever crap.
kindly shut up, i can hardly care about you people anymore.
this is a human life i am talking about here, my grandfather.
so scram, if you do not like what i say here in my blog,

bear this in mind, never ever take life so lightly.

p.s
i had always love you, so i pray, be safe.

{ 10:38 PM }

Wednesday, October 1, 2008.

I did it!! oh, and

HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY!!!

and by myself too!
joey, NOBODY, helped me!!
yea!!!

it=my blog skin and etc etc.
xD
yeahh!! woo, though i need help for the musicbox.
don't know how to do it.

yeah~ the song, cheers me up! ^^
though there is nothing cheer, but it lifts my spirit every time i listen to it.
it is cute and nice! xD

anyways, everybody came over today, had lunch with them.
celebrated hari raya and children's day.
gave nat a lolipop. :)
wee~
i loveeee this song!!!!

other ways, rachael helped me download this song, so thank you!! :)
and yeah!
gonna do my tagbox and musicbox another day.
gonna study now!!!

p.s
look into your heart.

{ 3:25 PM }